Surviving the Holidays: How to Navigate Triggers, Family Dynamics, and Expectations

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for trauma survivors, December can feel heavy, overwhelming, or even threatening. Memories resurface, family tensions flare, routines shift, and social expectations pile up. While the world seems to insist on cheerfulness, your nervous system may be signaling something entirely different.

In The Trauma Monster, Barb Dorrington reminds us that trauma doesn’t take time off for the holidays—and you don’t have to pretend it does. You are allowed to move through this season in a way that protects your peace, honors your healing, and acknowledges your truth.

Why the Holidays Can Be Triggering

Trauma survivors may feel heightened stress during this time for many reasons:

• Family dynamics that mirror past wounds

• Crowded spaces that overwhelm the senses

• Expectations to socialize when the body craves safety and stillness

• Memories or grief tied to past holidays

• Pressure to appear happy despite internal struggles

If the holidays feel difficult, you’re not “ruining” anything. You are responding in a very human, very valid way to an intense time of year.

Practical Ways to Navigate Holiday Triggers

1. Give Yourself Permission to Have Boundaries

You are not obligated to attend every event, answer every message, or stay in environments that feel unsafe. Boundaries are not rejection—they are self-respect.

Examples: - “I won’t be able to stay long, but I’m happy to stop by.” - “I’m not discussing that topic today.” - “Thank you for inviting me, but I need to sit this one out.”

2. Identify Your Personal Triggers Ahead of Time

Reflect on what typically makes this season challenging. Is it a certain person? A certain space? A certain expectation? Naming these triggers helps you prepare compassionate strategies for them.

3. Create an Exit Strategy

Drive yourself to events. Sit near an exit. Have a phrase ready to excuse yourself. The ability to leave helps your nervous system feel safer—even if you don’t end up using it.

4. Ground Your Body Throughout the Day

Use regulating practices such as: - Slow breathing - Pressing your feet firmly into the floor - Carrying a grounding object (a smooth stone, a bracelet, a piece of fabric) - Taking quiet breaks in another room or outside

Your body deserves calm, even when environments are chaotic.

5. Build Moments of Safety Into Your Day

You can create pockets of peace before, during, and after stressful events. Consider: - A morning routine that centers you - Listening to calming music on the drive - A post-event ritual like tea, journaling, or a hot shower

These small acts can significantly support your nervous system.

Managing Family Dynamics with Compassion (and Distance When Needed)

Family can be a source of comfort—or a source of deep discomfort. If certain people minimize, dismiss, or trigger your trauma, distance is allowed. You can love people and still limit your exposure to what harms you.

You are not responsible for managing everyone else’s emotions. You are responsible for your well-being.

Let Go of the Pressure to Be “Festive”

You do not need to perform joy for anyone. You do not need to be cheerful on command. Healing means honoring your emotional reality, not masking it.

If this season brings sadness, grief, or overwhelm, those feelings are valid. You can create a holiday experience that feels gentle, quiet, and true to you.

You Deserve Peace This Season

As Barb Dorrington teaches in The Trauma Monster, the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. They don’t have to match anyone else’s expectations. They don’t even have to be celebrated in traditional ways.

Your healing, your safety, and your peace matter.

This December, give yourself permission to survive the holidays in whatever way feels right for you—even if that means doing things differently, doing less, or doing nothing at all.

Peace is a gift you’re allowed to give yourself.