The Trauma Loop: Why We Relive the Past (and How to Break Free)

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle—repeating the same relationship patterns, reacting the same way to certain triggers, or feeling like you’re living the same painful moment over and over again?

This experience is known as the trauma loop. And as Barb Dorrington explains in her book The Trauma Monster, it's a common and deeply human response to unresolved trauma.

What Is a Trauma Loop?

A trauma loop is a repeating pattern of emotional, behavioral, and even physiological responses triggered by past traumatic experiences. When the brain perceives a current situation as similar to a past threat—even if it’s not—it reacts as though danger is present. You may feel panic, shut down emotionally, lash out, or withdraw, even if you logically know the situation is safe.

These loops aren’t about weakness. They’re survival strategies your nervous system learned to keep you safe. The problem is, they keep replaying long after the threat is gone.

How Trauma Loops Show Up

• Feeling stuck in the same toxic relationship dynamics

• Repeatedly self-sabotaging when things are going well

• Experiencing disproportionate emotional reactions

• Avoiding vulnerability or change

• Constantly expecting something bad to happen

Why We Stay Stuck

Unresolved trauma lodges itself in the nervous system. The brain becomes hyper-alert, scanning for danger and reacting quickly—often bypassing rational thought. The body remembers, even when the mind tries to forget.

When these loops remain unaddressed, they can feel like fate. But they’re not. They’re patterns. And patterns can be broken.

How to Break the Trauma Loop

1. Identify the Pattern
Start by observing your behaviors and reactions. Ask: “Where have I seen this before? When did I first start responding this way?”

2. Connect the Dots
Trace the feeling back to its origin. Was there a childhood experience, relationship, or event that taught your body this was the way to stay safe?

3. Validate Your Experience
Don’t minimize what you’ve been through. Even if others don’t understand, your trauma is valid, and your responses make sense in light of what you’ve endured.

4. Pause and Breathe
Use mindfulness tools to pause before reacting. Deep, conscious breathing can signal to your nervous system that you are safe now.

5. Choose a New Response
Once you’ve interrupted the pattern, practice responding differently—even in small ways. This rewires the brain toward safety and choice rather than fear and reactivity.

6. Get Support
Healing isn’t a solo journey. A trauma-informed therapist, coach, or support group can provide tools and perspective to help you navigate your way out of the loop.

Barb Dorrington reminds us in The Trauma Monster that healing begins when we recognize we are not broken—we are stuck. And with compassion, awareness, and the right tools, we can break free from the past and begin writing a new chapter.

You are not your trauma. You are not your patterns. You are powerful—and you can choose a new path forward.