We all carry echoes of our younger selves within us. The child who felt afraid, abandoned, or invisible. The one who learned to stay small, be good, and not cause trouble. For trauma survivors, this inner child often still lives quietly inside, waiting not to be fixed, but to be seen.
In The Trauma Monster, Barb Dorrington explores how unhealed childhood wounds shape our adult experiences. But she also offers hope: by reconnecting with our inner child, we can offer the love, safety, and validation we may have missed the first time around.
What Is the Inner Child?
The inner child represents the part of us that experienced the world with innocence, emotion, and vulnerability. It holds the memories, emotions, and unmet needs of our early years. When trauma happens in childhood, those needs often go unanswered and the inner child gets stuck in survival mode.
Even as adults, we may carry this child within us: the one who people-pleases to stay safe, the one who hides emotions to avoid punishment, and the one who still longs to be held, chosen, or believed.
Signs Your Inner Child Needs Attention:
- Overreactions to minor triggers
- Feelings of abandonment in relationships
- Deep-seated shame or guilt
- A harsh inner critic
- Chronic fear of rejection or being too much
These are not flaws. They are expressions of a younger you who did not get what they needed. The good news is you can give it to them now.
Reconnecting with Your Inner Child:
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Visualize and Name Them: Picture yourself at a younger age, maybe during a time when you needed comfort most. Give this child a name, or simply refer to them as Little Me.
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Write to Them: Journaling is a powerful way to start the conversation. Ask questions like "What do you need right now?" or "What are you afraid of?" Then write back from your adult self with love and reassurance.
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Offer Comfort and Safety: Speak kindly to your inner child in moments of stress. Say "You are safe now" or "I am here with you." You are now the adult who can protect them.
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Engage in Childlike Joy: Do things you loved as a kid, color, play outside, dance, sing. These simple acts create a bridge to healing and joy.
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Reparent Yourself: Set boundaries. Get enough rest. Nourish your body. Say no to what harms you. These are ways you tell your inner child: I have got you now.
Healing Is a Homecoming:
Barb Dorrington reminds us in The Trauma Monster that the parts of us we think are broken are often just parts that were never fully loved. Your inner child is not gone. They have been waiting, patiently, for your attention.
You do not need to be perfect to reconnect. You just need to be present.
Every time you show up for yourself with kindness, you are doing something revolutionary: you are healing backwards. You are giving the child within you the safety they never had.
And in doing so, you are setting both of you free.